Immigration 411

In order to receive our immigration cards, which we need to complete our visas, open a bank account, and get a cell phone, we had to get a physical at a hospital.  We didn't know too much about this "physical", except that we were going to have to get blood taken.  Neither of us were looking forward to this so we put it off for a whole month, but finally our boss surprised us and we went today.  I had no idea what we were getting into, but looking back this hospital experience was quite hysterical given the language barrier.  Below is an outline of our check-up with some commentary.

Room #1: Weight, height, eyesight, blood pressure, and waist measurement.

-I had no idea I would be getting an eye exam and didn't bring my glasses.  I tried to tell her that I wear glasses by pointing to Adam's face, but she didn't understand and kept pointing to letters.  I could only read two lines down and was getting nervous.  F-me.  I'm going to fail because I can't see!  I looked at Adam in total despair, so he helped me out a little by whispering some of the letters.  Such a gentleman, but I still failed.  

Room #2: Hearing and Q&A with a physican.

-Hearing went fine, but the physician and I had some problems understanding each other.  He asked me if I drank alcohol, and I said socially.  He then asked how many drinks I have per day.  I told him I couldn't really give him drinks per day because I really only drink 2/3 nights a week.  I could give him drinks per week, but he wasn't interested.  I didn't want him to put down that I drink everyday.  Fail #2 now for being a blind american alcoholic.  

Room #3: Blood & urine sample

-When I imagined giving blood, I thought I would be in a private room with the option of laying down.  I was wrong.  In this hospital, you took a number and waited for the next available nurse who took your blood right there- in front of everyone-no bed-no privacy (The set-up was similar to a waiting room in a doctor's office except the receptionist was the nurse taking your blood and there were 3 nurses in a row).  Last time I gave blood, I cried- laying down.  So when I saw this set up, I freaked.  I was actually proud of myself.  No tears, just a weird face that Adam said I made- my mouth was open and eyes closed.  I was also very proud of Adam because he hates needles to the point that he usually feels faint.  He survived, but his face turned green- really green- gremlin green.  But he didn't faint, just needed a few minutes in time out. 

Room #4: Chest X-ray

-Self explanatory.  Quick and easy.

Room #5: Heart or pulse something??

I wasn't really sure what we were getting done in this last room.  I was called into a curtained room and was told to lie on the bed.  The nurse rolled up my jeans (she had a bit of a problem because they are tight around my ankles; for a split second i thought I was going to have to take off my pants- kill me- thank god i didn't have to).  She then put clamps around each ankle, i know this may sound dramatic, but i felt like I was being prepared for an electric shock therapy session.  The nurse then motioned for me to roll up my shirt.  Lol.  So I rolled it up to expose my belly button.  She then looked at me and rolled it all the way up exposing my bare chest.  There I was- half naked- on a bed- 2 nurses- no english.  The nurse then proceeded to put electrodes on my chest, about 6 of them (Daniela,  you put these on me in S. Africa:).  Here's the kicker: she literally put 2 of them on my boob.  So her I am, a cow that's about to get electrocuted and milked, and the nurse says something that I don't understand.  I asked her to repeat.  I thought she said legs (what, now I have to lift up my legs?).  "Legs?"  She says no and repeats again, "No, relax."  I laughed.  That wasn't happening.